blah blah blog ;)

Sometimes that's how I feel blah blah blah, just running off at the mouth about nothing in particular. Tonight when I was at Holly's birthday celebration :) the subject of blogs came up and we were talking about blogging about the most random of things. Sheila said when you haven't blogged in a while it's like where do I start? Then I said or if you are really not doing anything it's blah blah blog :) we thought that was a good title. . .

I have had a very blessed day and a very rough day. Blessed in the fact the Lord woke me up early to spend time "casting my cares upon Him" and knowing I was heard! Hard in the fact that the tears just would not stop today. My eyes are so sore from crying and my nose is sore from wiping and blowing :(

Prayer tonight was great. Marlys said it was a 3 kleenex prayer night. For me I think it was 5/6 and that was just one hour! But it was a very blessed prayer time and again, I KNOW we were heard.

I am so thankful for my beautiful daughters who faithfully help me, cry with me, laugh with me and just love me. And Liz even if we have not physically seen each other or even talked on the phone in a couple of days I know you are there :) My wonderful daughters Robbyn, Sheila, JoAnna & Elizabeth - I love you!

I have been missing Doug so much today. It started in the night when I dreamed he was kissing me in all the different ways he used to kiss me. I woke up crying. It was such a good dream and yet knowing I will never be kissed by him again was, well you can imagine, kinda.

There were some laughs today too so it wasn't all tears but the majority of the day was spent sobbing. I am feeling very overwhelmed but I know God is using all of this for His greater purpose. I remember praying on the way to church Sunday (along with a song - that is dangerous - don't say I didn't warn you!) Lord break my heart with what breaks Yours. Is this part of that, probably, but this is just a tiny bit of what breaks His heart. My rebellion is one way, my wanting my own way is another, my looking at the things in my life and saying it's not fair is another way, my wanting to just give up and cave is another instead of trusting Jesus to see me though is another, I could go on and on and you could probably make your own list. I know I break His heart in many ways and for those ways, Lord, I am sorry. Help me to live repentant.

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. Jesus said this to Nicodemus in John 3:16-18 the Message

Anyway, that's my blah blah blog for tonight. I pray for you, reader, that you may know and understand the love that Jesus has for YOU. I am learning more and more about His great love for me day by day.

It's amazing how quickly the snow is melting! Sure was pretty but I like to see the plants and the grass turning green, too.

I haven't felt good today, spent most of the afternoon lying on my bed dozing trying to fend off the headache I have had for a couple of days.

Finally got up and ran the vacuum, did a couple loads of laundry and did the dishes. And had some orange sesame chicken (microwave dinner) it was really tasty.

Then I sat and watched some of the wedding shows on We till Alexandre came :)

Waiting to talk to my Mom, their answering machine keeps picking up so they are gone somewhere they are two hours behind us, so I left a message saying I would call again.

Back to school tomorrow for Andy and I get my new little charge tomorrow too. It will be fun getting to know him and caring for a two month old. I know it's part of God's provision for me so I am embracing the time at home with little people, knowing the Lord will use me to impact lives for His purposes.

Have a great evening!

Thursday What to say????

I found out this afternoon that Andy was cast as the Prince in Sleeping Beauty (Playtime Poppy)

Since JoAnna had a busy morning Hannah spent the night last night along with Alexandre. It was fine, even though it took them both a little longer to settle down. Hannah slept till after 9:30 Alexandre got up at 8:30.

I am just about finished with all the paperwork for the tax guy. Whew I will be glad when this is behind me!

There are so many plants poking their heads out of the ground :) like old friends I have not seen for a while they are a very welcome sight. Makes me wonder what types of plants Doug is enjoying in Glory.

I am enjoying the Potluck Club I just need to sit down and read it instead of waiting till I go to bed, by then I am too tired and so are my eyes to really enjoy the reading time.

It's been fun talking to Andy and hearing about his trip. I am so thankful the Lord worked it all out for him to go. Doug and I were so excited to know this trip was going to be taken over spring break this year and we both really wanted him to go. The Lord knew that and worked out every detail so he could and he had a great time.

I have been having lots of memories of Doug this week, different kinds like certain movements or a flash of him doing something like pouring coffee. It's strange the 'visions' keep coming and it's so endearing and yet brings back the loss too. Robbyn was at the Dr this week and sent me a text she had read there: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Dr Seuss. I have always loved Dr Seuss and it's funny how that little quote did help. Of course I KNOW it was Jesus really comforting me and urging me to take the next step that gets me through these tough times. And I am so thankful to Jesus for that!

Tuesday morning was CityWide prayer at Valley View. I have not been in so long, it was wonderful being back. It was the first time I had seen the people there since Doug's death, it was nice to see them and to be prayed for by them.

I met a new friend, Terri at Brugger's later on that morning and had a nice time getting to know her better over coffee and a bagel.

Tuesday evening I went to dinner with Rosa and Jennifer. I have known Jennifer for a LONG time in fact she helped me with my stamping addiction many years ago by selling DOTS (dozens of terrific stamps) and from that we formed a friendship. And many of you know Rosa, well she and Jennifer have a mutual friend who introduced them and they both know me! Just how small is this world getting anyway!?! Anyways they took me to dinner at Olive Garden and we had a great time sharing and catching up. A few tears were shed but just a few. It was a nice time with them.

Well that pretty much sums up my week.

Thanks to all of you who have prayed for me. I so appreciate you and your love and concern. I am fine and I will be fine, but I know there are times when I am going to cry and be sad. Part of me is gone I can't change that. But I know that Jesus knows exactly what I am going through and He is there every moment. He's wonderful!

tough day

Today I have been trying to get taxes ready, going through receipts and looking at dates and Doug's handwriting, it's been a tough day. I get to the point where I think I am doing really well, then it hits. At least it doesn't feel like I am drowning and it doesn't last as long but it's so hard. And with Andy being gone, it's just a hard day.

I read your blogs and I feel like if I write this down for you all to see then you will feel sorry for me and I don't want that. Just letting you have a look into my life today. Not too pretty of a picture, but that's what it looks like, at least for today.

Bible Study tonight was really good. Coming home I was listening to a CD that Andy Gray loaned to me and just sang along (at the top of my lungs) and cried it all out to my Loving Heavenly Father who knows how I am feeling and who catches my tears in a bottle, I don't know why, it's what the Bible says "Psalm 56:8 You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle--are they not in Your book?"

I am not trying to make you feel bad for me, just letting you know this is me today. In a few minutes it may be all turned around. I never know. I am however, so glad to know the Living God who changes not! In Him I put my trust and hope!

sitting and thinking, thinking and sitting

trying to think of something to write

according to facebook Andy is having a great time in Orlando. Lucky duck!

it's gloomy and chilly but not a bad day at all.

animal crossing for the wii is way more fun with two players, at least when it comes to selling :)

spring break! welcome spring!

my folks will be back in a couple of weeks and I AM EXCITED!!!!

my computer is acting weird again

the start of a brand new week and I am feeling excited for what God has in store for me!

every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, Lord
still I will say

blessed be the Name of the Lord
blessed be Your Name, Jesus
blessed be the Name of the Lord
blessed be Your Glorious Name

You give and take away
You give and take away
my heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

the sunshine is so pretty! but I am freezing, I guess that means I need to get moving huh?

Andy leaves this afternoon I am sure he will have a great time.

Alexandre has been coughing a lot :( poor little guy. Makes for un restful nights

Gotta go let Buddy in, he's barking at who knows what!

Monday

A new week, that should bring excitement, and yet I am not sure. Strange comment huh? Lots to do this week maybe that's why I am not excited.

The weather sure has been wonderful! Can't complain about that. One of these days I want to get out and start on yard work.

Andy goes to Orlando this week!

I have been struggling with a bad attitude AND I know that is not pleasing to God AT ALL!

Change my heart O God
Make it ever true
Change my heart O God
May I be like You

I have been attending a Bible Study on the Millennium and it is really great, lots of information and lots to process but it's exciting to look into God's Word and see what is ahead.

I need to get going to get a list made of what needs to be done this week, today, right now!



Jesus is the yes to every promise of God. -- William Barclay

What day is this????

I have had such a busy week! It's been good however. I feel like I have a purpose - anyone relate?

Today my house is a wreck! And filled with shouts, requests for juice and snacks, bath water and bath sounds coming from my bathroom, counting along with the clock chimes, requests for this movie or 'watch it again!', LOUD crying and finger pointing, time outs and tons of smiles and giggles.

The house will get cleaned, the sounds will diminish but the love in my heart for these small eternal souls will grow and live in my heart forever.

Today Sheila and Matt are at the Vet's hospital with Gail, Matt's mom whilst Jim her husband and Matt's step Dad is in surgery to remove his gall bladder. Jillian and Isaac stayed over night since they had to leave Cedar Rapids at 4:30 am. Alexandre stayed over as well and it was so cute to see the three little couch/beds filling the living room (they are still out so the kids can play on them - why not!?!) When Brian came to pick up X this morning he said Robb was alseep in the car, so you know she had to have been tired. I told Brian he could just leave X and get him later on so they could go home and sleep, besides the boys are so excited to get some time togehter. They do tend to hit and throw but that's boys.

Jillian is happily playing in the bathtub ALONE. She said she wantd to take a bath by hersefl so she is. It must be fun to play in the tub with different toys! She calls if she needs anything :) When Liz was small she would take 2 hour baths! I don't think she takes that long these days.

Buddy just doesn't know what to make of all the activitiy here today. He's happy for the snacks that the kids feed him on purpose or by accident or by grabbing them out of the unsuspecting hand ha! He just mostly sits/lays and watches.

I have a pkg of ritz type crackers in here by me and every so often Isaac comes in for one for him and one for Alexandre, so Gramma has to have a kiss for each cracker trip, oh the perks of this job!

Just got a text from Sheila that Jim is out of surgery and on his way to recovery. They did the surgery the easy way, not sure what that means, but I am certain it will be better for Jim (and Gail!)

Discovery club was fun last night. Oh the precious children God has given to us. Working with the kids making the poster for the bake sale was fun. To be able to be silly with kids is such a neat thing. Oh Jesus, let them see your love for them through us!

Well, it's 10:20 am and we are all (except for Jillian) still in our pj's! I prolly should do something to remedy that but why? ha I stopped by to visit with Julia for a little bit yesterday and she was in her pj's we should have pj day! who's in?

it may be cloudy but the SON is shining!

I woke up early and thought, Ok, Lord, you want me up early I will be up. So I got out of bed and spent extra time with Him this morning. What a great way to start my day!

Took Andy to school since Alexandre was not here this morning and was blessed by DK whilst dropping Andy off at school :)

Came back home, checked email and stuff waiting for a decent hour to call my friend Joanne to see if it was alright to come for a visit. When I spoke to her she was pretty blue, so I headed over to see her.

Stopped for gas on the way. Now aren't you glad I told you that?!?

Joanne was just getting out of the shower when I got there, so we went back to her room and chatted whilst she got dressed and did her hair. I looked through her photo albums from a trip to Oregon she took last summer and one of when she went to Washington DC with both her sisters in '05 that was fun. Soon she was ready so we got checked out and drove over by Roosevelt to see where she grew up. Oh the wonderful memories she has to share about her growing up years :) We ended up at Tommy's for lunch, shared a meal, some tears, some laughs and just enjoyed being together.

After lunch we were heading back to MethWick to go visit Jim, they live in different areas of MethWick Community (ugh being married 56 years it's been a difficult -understatement- for the two of them). Joanne was digging in her purse for her lipstick and could not find it so we decided to go to HyVee to see if we could get some for her, and YES you can buy lipstick at HyVee :) ha

We spent a couple of hours visiting with Jim. He is doing really well. December 17 - his birthday, he got sick in the night and ended up throwing up. He didn't want to vomit on the bed or the floor so he held it in his mouth which ended up with him getting the vomit into his lungs and causing all kinds of problems for him. When he was at the emergency room he told the Dr he was having a stroke. He had had one about four years ago and knew that he was experiencing one again. The Dr did NOT take Jim's word and told Jim he was dehydrated (that is why they call it Practicing Medicine) subesequently Jim had four strokes in all that night. He's come a long way and is doing really well. He has not had any food since his birthday, he is unable to swallow and has had a tracheotomy. He is currently undergoing acupuncture to get his swallowing back and if he can pass a sleep apnea test he will be able to get his trach out!

I dropped Joanne back off at her residence at MethWick and came on home. Only to find Andy and his friends had been here for lunch and didn't clean up the table :(. Soon the door opened and in walked Andy, Ben, Jack, Drew and Dylan. Andy said they had to leave in a hurry after eating and cleaned off the table :) hooray!

The boys are upstairs playing video games, on the Wii or PS2 and the computer. So I am in here posting about my day.

I forgot to mention Doug and I met Jim and Joanne in 1974 and became fast friends. Today Jim shared a couple of stories about Doug that I never had heard. What a blessing even though tears were shed they were good tears ( I still don't like crying, makes my eyes hurt and my head ache) but it was a good time shared.

If you are still reading, bless your heart!

Hope you are on the lookout for miracles! I had one early this morning and a couple this aftenoon, but there is still tonight!

Saturday

It's been a good day, I have not done hardly anything but 'that's ok' sometimes you need a day just like this.

Heard from Robbyn about 8:30 they were on their way to bring X. She and Brian are in Chicago for the weekend to see a NHL game. I am so glad they were able to get away! Much needed time together.

JoAnna text ed earlier and wanted to know if we wanted to meet for lunch so Andy, Alexandre and I picked her up and went to Wendy's. It was nice to get out of the house and not have to hassle with what to have for lunch.

Took her back to work then came back home and put Alexandre down for a nap, played some Animal Crossing now I am in here.

I think Alexander and I may watch a movie tonight then get a bath so he can be ready for church in the morning. I may take my shower and just do my hair in the morning too.

The jewelry party last night was fun! Always fun to get together with my GREAT girls, and my wonderful sister! And the other friends that came along for the party :) it was fun! Now to decide about my 'free' stuff. I had booked this show off of JoAnna's way last fall then . . . well I finally got around to actually having the party, I am glad I did - good time!

Did anyone notice the tiny bit of green in the grass from the rain :) My folks come back in one month! I am so excited!

We had a great prayer night with the Prayer Warrior Women the other night! It was so needed for me. So much on my heart and mind. Plus the great praise of the new eternal soul that Dave, Jolene and MissyB welcomed into their family! What a miracle! Are you looking for miracles everyday? I must admit I have not been but I KNOW they are there IF we look!

Tuesday morning

I have made the switch, we'll see how this one goes.

I have had hectic few days, doesn't feel like I even had a weekend although I know I did :)

I am going to try to upload that video from Saturday to here.

Till next time . . .

Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.